The gratitude I feel.............

My gratitude to my wife for making my every dream, fantasy, and desire, come true is beyond words!!! All of my life I went around thinking, fantasizing, and craving, a relationship like the one I now have. I have the relationship of my dreams with the most beautiful woman in the universe!!!!!!!! I spent my life looking at the odds of ever finding a woman who would give me the discipline that I need.....I knew the odds were stacked against me. Lets face the facts: for every thousand guys who seek a spanking relationship there is one woman. Maybe! I think that I have joined every spanking group on the Internet, and when I browsed through the members I found it was 98% guys looking for the same thing. Finally, at age 45, I found her:My Goddess, My best friend, My wife!!!
We started this journey as me being her Dom. I am still her Dom to the world, but she is my disciplinary wife at home. I now get two, or three, maintenance spankings a week. I have so far avoided the punishment spankings that I crave, but fear with all of my heart, by being on my best behavior. The true punishment spanking is a real dichotomy for me...............on one hand I desire, and crave, the release................on the other hand it scares the shit out of me!!! I'm reading a book now, which I will soon give to my wife, where the author says "Maintenance spankings should be quite severe until the wife gets 100% experienced at severe corporal punishment." I don't know if I want my wife to read that or not. I mean what would I do if she started to really lay it on to learn her skills as a disciplinarian? This is a real dilemma.